A children’s book for grown-ups

Let’s not kid; sleep deprivation is hellish. One of the sacrifices demanded by parenthood is the pleasure of a good night’s sleep. Whether it’s midnight feedings, distressed cries or the worry of late night escapades, our children plan on keeping us awake for a good 18 years, and probably long after.

With this in mind, California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach has written a foul-mouthed, tongue-in-cheek bedtime book for parents who live in the real world. Go the Fuck to Sleep tells it like it is; that a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Here’s an excerpt:

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.

The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How come you can do all this other great shit
But you can’t lie the fuck down and sleep?

The book has been describes as “profane, affectionate, and radically honest… Adam Mansbach’s verses perfectly capture the familiar – and unspoken – tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. In the process, they open up a conversation about parenting, granting us permission to admit our frustrations, and laugh at their absurdity.”

I’m all about keepin’ it real: on more occasions than I care to admit I have mouthed the title of Adam’s book, as a drag myself up and out of bed to tend to my screeching child. I love her dearly… and I love sleep. At times the two seem to be mutually exclusive.

Go the Fuck to Sleep has topped Amazon’s bestseller chart a month ahead of publication. CLICK HERE to pre-order your copy.

Source: The Guardian - Foul-mouthed bedtime book is hit with parents

Natural Childbirth
Story #107 p143 from Stuff White People Like: The Definitive Guide To The Unique Taste of Millions
by Christian Lander

The early years of a child are exceptionally important. The severity and frequency of problems during this era can be directly tied to the amount of therapy and counseling required later in life. Because of this, white people are trying to do whatever they can to keep their children natural and happy, and this begins at birth.

In spite of thousands of years of human history, white people like to believe that they are the first person ever to have a child. Or at least the first to have a truly gifted, beautiful child. For white people, birthing is now a spiritual experience that must be treated appropriately. This means candles, water, doulas, and relaxing music. Modern white birth is essentially an extreme yoga class with more screaming, and it only ends when a child pops out.

After learning that a white person is pregnant, it is a good idea to provide a list of recipes for placenta. Even if they do not plan to eat the placenta, they will view you as progressive and open to new things. If you can fake a recipe from your own culture, it is a certainty that the white person will use it, even if they were not planning on it. Other acceptable gifts include candles, a baby sling, and/or a Nature Sounds CD.

If you have not visited Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com, get your ass online and do it NOW! Author Christian Lander started a blog about stuff white people like after having a conversion with his friend Myles (who also writes for the blog) about the fact that white people who do not watch The Wire cannot be trusted and the possible activities that non-Wire watching white people could be engaged in. Some ideas were “Going to therapy, watching plays, doing yoga and getting divorced” – and this sparked Lander’s entrance into the world of blogging (January 18 2008). Lander mentioned that the more he wrote, the more he began to realise that he was writing about himself. Although, much of was he says is on the part of a ‘hater’ taking the piss out of the stereotypical characterisations of the educated white middle-class, he is filled with self-loathing because he is part of that very strata. And this is an inescapable state of being. It’s satire at its very best. Naturally, not every post will apply to every white person and, according to Lander, one does not need to be pale to be ‘white’: it’s all about class, Barack Obama being the classic example. There are some great posts linking to parenthood and raising children. Lander has also released a book, recently launched in the UK, entitled Stuff White People Like: The Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions.