After three weeks of an almost ‘too good to be true’ baba, we sadly discovered that our little Amelia-bug is as stubborn as her mother. She, one day, just decided that sleeping alone was not the cool thing to do; snuggling up in someone’s arms is much more fun – day and night. Naughty baba! So whilst we tried to figure out whether Amelia-bug, at the age of 4 weeks, was manipulating us; or feeling separation anxiety after being attached to mommy for nine months; or frustrated because of her stuffy nose; or just plain needy; or all of the above, my baba happily consumed all of my attention – every second of every day. Making tea became a pain in my ass because as soon as Amelia-bug was put down the waa-ing would begin. So after spending an afternoon with my faithful friend Mr Google, who advised me on the many theories relating to babies and sleep, I was no clearer on what course of action I should take. I wanted to find a happy medium that would ensure that my Amelia-bug would feel okay to sleep alone but also indulge in some lovely mommy and daddy snuggles. So I sent out a message on facebook and got mixed responses that launched into a fabulous debate which I would like to share with other parents addressing the same sleep issue.
Gotta let her cry! Terrible to say but only way – I only learnt on my third child. Stick it out. Go in after 3 minutes, check on her calm her and try again. I spoilt and rocked my son and at 5 years old he still has to sleep in our bed. The crying thing still does not work with him.
Yeah, controlled crying is a great technique. As a midwife I have great advice on what does work but I experienced such a woes with my own son that I had to leave the house and let my husband do it. It worked though! We did 5 minute intervals then 10 minute intervals etc. The longest we left my son was a total of 45 minutes but I was going in and putting my hand on his tummy and reassuring him regularly. He is now brilliant at going down for naps and bed time.
To be fair, the first 3 months are not such a big deal in my opinion. I guess it’s up to you when you decide you want to let your baby cry – now or once you have reached the 3 month mark. But I do agree, you have to let them cry. Build it up each time. They WILL give in. You just need to decide who’s BOSS.
My son did go through a horrendouse stage at about 5/6 months when he would only sleep in my arms during the day and even leaving him crying for ages did not work but he always went down a dream at night. Weird! Once he hit 7 months-ish, the day time naps were sorted. We also moved him into cot from crib at 8 weeks and he slept so much better. We put him in a sleeping bag.
Fed, bathed and clean bum. Let ‘em cry
Until my son was about 3 months I just let him feed himself asleep if putting him down awake did not work – for my sanity. We tackled it properly around 3/4 months.
I don’t agree with the whole ‘leave them to cry’ technique. Research shows that these are the kiddies in therapy years down the line! If any consolation, my daughter would not go down at all till 6 weeks – we took turns sleeping with her. It might just be a growth spurt that’s making your baby needy.
I am also not to sure what to do when my son cries but when I was struggling with my daughter when she was only a couple of weeks old, I was told to let her cry herself to sleep. I tried this one night – I put ear plugs in and persevered. When waking to check on her she had sick all over her in her ears and in her hair! The fact that I had let her cry until she was sick (or she was crying because she was sick) brought me to tears. I felt like such a bad mom. I promised I’d never do it again! I know many people who have used the crying technique and it has worked. It’s all about trial and error: what works for some doesn’t always work for others. My daughter had very bad wind and I found that being held or rocked for a long time helped her, accompanied with good old infacol and gripe water.
It all sounds so familliar! We did the crying thing once and my son just got worse and worse. I cried while he cried! He was also a fighter and still is but now it’s just during the day. He has become used to a dummy (sprayed with gripe water) and a towelling nappy when he goes to sleep, so he makes the association and gets our drift. I know many people are against dummies but my son would scream and we wouldnt be able to get him to calm down and sleep so I trained him to use a dummy by spraying the gripe water each time so he would suck it. He has never been much of a day sleeper even though he needs to (we fight) but at night time he is a dream. He has to be bathed by 7pm and he is generally down by 7:30 after his bottle – he has set this routine for himself and heaven help us if we do something wrong because all hell breaks loose!
The most important thing to teach your daughter is to self sooth so that she can calm herself down and not rely on you and your hubby to do that for her.
Milk yourself and send her to me with a man boob and I will kick it with her so you guys can sleep. I hate sleep anyway.
Welll I don’t have kids but I remember watching Look Who’s Talking a hundred times and when Kirstie Alley gave attention to her baby while it cried, he learnt that it was the best way to get her attention … every time.
You need to make absolutely sure there is nothing wrong with your daughter before letting her cry if that’s what you choose to do. One early morning my daughter was crying and crying. Eventually I picked her up and sat with her on our bed, rubbing and patting her back. Out came the tiniest burp – that was the thing bugging her. I think that babies definitely need to learn that they need to go to sleep on their own without a prop, like being rocked etc, in order to sleep but we need to be certain that there is no other reason why they are crying. What I have done with my two girls is put them down when they’re kind of drowsy but not fast asleep. If my baby cries I let it go on for a little while and then go back and pick her up to calm her. Usually being left to cry for a little while has helped her to realise she’s tired.
It is apparent that there is no single behavioural formula and what is successful in changing a baby’s behaviour depends on patience, persistence and flexible. Fortunately my Amelia-bug is sleeping on her own. It only took 3 days of hard work and I am not even sure if the change in her behaviour is a result of anything we did or rather the end of a phase. We did leave my little bug to cry one night – it was torturous and seemed to achieve precisely nothing other than make her lose her trust in us. My gut told me that it was the wrong thing to do. So, instead, we decided to leave her to cry until she started tantruming (which usually happened within 5 minutes of being put down) and then pick her up and ‘straight jacket’ her in our arms. It seems that she has learnt to associate her tantrums with this response and she does not like it and so she does not do it any more. If she cries now (which is not often), it lasts a couple of minutes and then she is asleep. My Amelia-bug now sleeps all by herself night and day, without drama. I think that it is good to get advice from others but it is most important to follow your instinct and do what feels right for you and your baby.
