Brazenmom

“Try some Marie biscuits, dear”. “Nibble carrots throughout the day”. “Ginger tea will definitely help”. “You should drink Cream Soda”. What the hell do people think when they start giving out advice to a newly pregnant woman who is suffering from obvious shock that there’s something developing inside of her, and it’s not her personal growth (JUST YET, ANYWAY)? Not to mention the ensuing morning sickness that lasts the whole bloody day?

The first phase of pregnancy is anything but glowing, unless you’re referring to the beads of sweat that prick your forehead, neck and back after a severe bout of vomiting from the little human who is wreaking havoc with your hormone levels. Excuse the lack of appreciation, but I have been nauseous for about 8 weeks now, and none of those little bonus tips are helping me. In fact, the ginger has me reeling and the Marie biscuits are just a joke that leave me thirsty. It’s like people really believe that their own pregnant experiences are de jure – it can only happen like this. That’s as backward as thinking that falling in love is like what happens in the movies.

Every pregnancy is a unique event with a high level of exclusivity. The main thing remains the main thing only in that millions of women have carried babies for 9 months and have then managed to successfully push them out in what everyone assures me will be the most painful experience of my life. So much for trying to keep my mind filled with happy thoughts.

Most women find out that they are pregnant due to the feared “missed period”. I, on the other hand, have had very little reliability on this front. So for me, it was a constant tired feeling, coupled with a “stitch-like” pain in the lower region of my belly and – yip, you guessed it – utter nausea. My husband jokingly said that I should pee on the stick, even though we both thought that conception at this early stage in the game was a little off-centre. No. In fact, the blue line was dead centre. In my usual sceptical manner, I immediately called the pathologists and let them know I’d be coming in for a pregnancy test.

On arrival at the laboratory, the staff thought it was funny as the blue line had already confirmed things. But I wanted clinical proof that I was headed for motherhood. And I received it. From then on, for about three weeks, I was cold all the time – a condition mostly associated with shock, my research tells me. Cold and nausea. And that’s when all the advice started pouring in. And the comments from other mommies that “never experienced it” and that morning sickness “is all in the mind” – I hated them in those moments.

The most difficult thing about the nausea is that I have had to submit to the situation. There’s no medication, no injection, nothing that you can swallow to make this better. It has flawed me. From working actively in two very different jobs, running a community networking initiative and being my usual go-getter self, to being in bed or clutching to the porcelain bowl for dear life, this live-giving process has sucked all the life out of me.

But if only it were just one thing – like nausea. It’s many little things that creep in during this stage that really make the process less enchanting than you expect it to be. It’s the oily hair. It’s the yucky skin. It’s the weak nails. It’s the constipation. It’s the fact that your breasts have been replaced with glowing, aching balls of nerves. And it’s also the continuous state of being hormonal and emotional, loving called “hormotional” by my husband. And then it’s the war in the mind. “Will my crying baby wake up and frustrate our neighbours?” See, these are the types of stupid, pesky, little things that literally keep me up at night. The more obvious questions – like, “Will I be a good mother?” do not enter my head. I think it’s because I feel that because we were not planning this pregnancy, it must have been pre-ordained and as such, I have been chosen to be a mother – therefore I am already equipped to be one (on some level).

I think this first trimester is not to make you feel like you are having a baby. It’s not about that romantic “we have created life” feeling. It’s a preparation for the most taxing job on the planet. The first twelve weeks push your boundaries and teach particularly A-type personalities to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Once the hard-core development of neural and skeletal development of the precious little one is over, the mom-to-be can expect to enter a simpler phase where her body balances out – or so I am told. I will keep you updated with the journey. For now, I am sticking to crumpets, water and fruit; and praying for peace.